I've been staring at this reflection prompt for awhile now, and it is probably the hardest one I will have to answer. When it asks about the 'unrealistic expectations' that are placed on RAs, it eludes to an expectation being impossible, and I think that as a group of leaders, we live in this place of eternalism and invincibleness so nothing really seems unrealistic. But if I had to choose…
I think residents and administrators both want the same thing from an RA: complete transparency and disclosure. While I am a huge fan on honesty and being open and real, I understand that this job (and others like it) demands a large amount of confidentiality, and that works both ways. Not only am I uncomfortable spilling house issues to my residents/friends, I am equally unlikely to spill all for administrator-types who simply don’t need to know.
There are a few reasons why this ‘expectation’ exists, especially at Chatham. First of all, I feel like a sad humyn instinct is a desire to ‘be in the know,’ so both of these parties want to be in control of this environment and know all the juicy details. More so at Chatham, we are just a small community that can, if it chooses, thrive on drama, but I don’t intend on making that part of my job.
Resisting this gossipy temptation can be difficult in this environment especially as an RA who has access to information and resident-friends who want let in on the details. I think an understanding of the importance of confidentiality and keeping ‘backstage matters backstage’ really helps to live up to the trust of residents and administrators. And, I think it feels amazing to ‘keep secrets’ or know things that nobody else does! Who still has a childhood secret and has yet to tell?!
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6 comments:
I will definitely intrigued by the push-pull on who needs to know what... who gets to decide what is confidential and what is not?
I knew someone was going to ask that :)
I haven't really put much thought into it, but I would say that when we're hired for this job (or others like it), we are assumed to have a certain degree of good judgement, so the RA would make a persynal call. How do we know when to get help when a friend's "diet" has gone too far or when that kid in class seems to skip more frequently? Thoughts?
Jenn,
I think you make so many interesting points. I think it is a personal call like you say. It is up to us as leaders to make that call and decide when the 'diet' has gone to far and sit down and have a talk. Or to check in with the girl who is skipping class a little too often. It is our job to stay on top of these things and learn how to find that happy medium. The job for us is finding that happy medium. That is the real key I think!
Although it can be difficult to speak to others about confidential conversations sometimes things do need to be sad. Not neccesarily to other residents but to a high power. When it comes to the endangerment of an individual things must be spilled.
Confidentiality is a big issue. I think that is part of the reason why it is so important to have a co-RA or at least another RA to confide in so that the secret doesn't build up inside of you. Some secrets are hard to keep and the temptation to spill increases the longer it is kept. Some secrets that residents tell you have the potential to hurt someone else. I think secrets can be very harmful to the subject and the RA. What is the best way to deal with a big secret?
I don't think I'm necessarily talking about situations that endanger others or really pertain to their well-being - more like those that fall under the realm of RA knowledge but really would simply be gossip when discussed with other people (girlfriend/boyfriend issues, trouble in classes, difficulties at home, etc).
And I think that even co-RAs may even just be a gossip vacuum. It creates a very awkward living situation if the residents even begin to believe that the RAs are talking about them behind their backs. Is ending this network of small-community gossip possible though? Hmmm...
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