Reflection 1: The Art of Failure

It has taken me a long time to realize that, as a persyn, I grow the most when I am challenged. In retrospect, I have never faced a difficult situation which did not alter who I am now. So, when looking back to the projects I have been involved in, those most rewarding and meaningful were those particularly difficult, teaching me a great deal about who I am.

Rather than choosing a few specific events out of my memory arsenal, I mentally grouped them: projects where I have been the dominant leader, projects that required a team approach, and others where I became a follower. Each offered life-lessons. Each shaped how I now handle situations. Each broadened my understanding of who I am in a very unique way.

I tend to naturally assume leadership positions, sometimes to my own detriment, and it is during these awkward times of overwhelming insecurity that I learn the most (i.e. fall flat on my face). During the summer, I had a position as one of two camp coordinators for week-long mission trips in Indianapolis – youth groups from around the country would come and stay at a church, do mission work during the day, and stay for programs at night. We ran seven consecutively. It was mayhem and completely unexplainable. It was obvious early-on that my partner was not of the ‘leader’ persuasion, so I assumed many of her jobs throughout the summer. One week, there were no volunteers, and my cocky self found it perfectly acceptable to, among other things, coordinate the food and meals, be the emcee every evening, do damage control (handle weird situations and ‘crisis’), and manage PR with our projects not to mention the day-to-day upkeep already required of my job. By the end of the week, I had strep throat and a temperature over 100. Rewarding? Yes. I doubt that my partner would have been able to handle that stress and keep ‘backstage matters backstage,’ as our employers liked to say. Energizing? Absolutely! How many times will I ever get the chance to monitor a camper who was bit by a dog, another with chronic stomach flu, drink awful cough syrup before each program, and cook spaghetti for 96 campers!!

Projects with a team theme are entirely different than those when I run the show. It requires a great deal more communication and cooperation, but is usually much less damaging to my physical health J Class projects are the easiest example, especially because there is a high likelihood (at least in my experience) that at least one member of the group will feel unwilling to do their share. Tricky relationships like this have always been difficult for me to manage – I tend to be a straight-forward individual which risks sounding like a jerk. Without the demands of having sit-downs with these folks or simply picking up the slack, I would have never learned the finesse in persuading others to do what they need to get done or the delicate approach to delegation.

Everyone has been a part of groups with a previously-designated leader who are simply in over their head. On more than one occasion, these experiences, while frustrating, have been extremely memorable on a very persynal level. I have always believed that “age” is one of the more arbitrary numbers that exists in the universe, so when placed on a team where seniority rules, I find it difficult to automatically yield respect to the oldest member of the group. In high school I was passionately involved in the debate program, and as a sophomore, placed with one of the senior debaters (a fairly big deal for a post-first year!). Our relationship was interesting in that she was said to have more skill, talent, and experience than I – it was just a learning experience for me – but I often had different (read: better) positions that were more successful. After learning that it would be unacceptable for me to outright claim the fame of our success, I learned one of the more valuable lessons of my life: humility. We became great friends throughout the season and it was encouraging for me to watch another “more qualified” individual get credit for what I knew was originally my plan. Had I thrown in the towel early, demanding a more humble partner, I would have never recognized the skill of concession.

Learning to work well with people on different projects is nothing but a trial-and-error process – falling flat on my face, potentially ruining relationships or my own heath, to gain understanding of how others work is part of the bumpy journey in leadership. I have always enjoyed the “sink or swim” approach to life, and if I never experienced nearly drowning in the pool of projects, I doubt I would be in this class.